Art Imitates Death
The gallery was a makeshift affair on a desolate lower west side block; the enormous paintings had been craned in through the loft building’s half demolished roof and no provisions had been made for their subsequent removal after roof repairs were hastily completed and the interior prepped for the opening. The paintings were effectively entombed.
The artist’s will had stipulated the works for display, all with prices so obscene that their purchase and need for removal was remote anyway. But the will also landed upon the noted promoter a sum commensurate with his formidable guest list.
The opening announcement’s absurd scheduled seance attracted a crowd of young trust fund goths but less predictable were small groups of outlaw bikers, glitterati and inscrutable Silicon Alley billionaire types who smirked their respective amusement when the cheesy occult proceedings were busted by an obviously staged raid.
Then the whole cast was suddenly busted by what appeared to be an actual raid by NYPD undercover cops, simultaneous with urgent demands to immediately evacuate the premises. Doubtful stragglers were caught desperately racing for exits when the place shuddered with the first explosions.
Only when the adjacent building’s wall collapsed onto it in a grim cloud of dust did the gallery’s last lights fade on its huge doomed canvases.
The stunned crowd was ordered back and cordoned off, eventually dispersing into the night, away from the flashing emergency lights and sirens.
No one later interviewed had any recollection of the artist’s name or cause of death. No paintings were reported sold.
The promoter, following legal machinations and fines was besieged by pleas for representation, predominantly by a new wave of suicidal deconstructionists.
The artist’s will had stipulated the works for display, all with prices so obscene that their purchase and need for removal was remote anyway. But the will also landed upon the noted promoter a sum commensurate with his formidable guest list.
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| Gallery opening prior to evacuation and destruction |
Then the whole cast was suddenly busted by what appeared to be an actual raid by NYPD undercover cops, simultaneous with urgent demands to immediately evacuate the premises. Doubtful stragglers were caught desperately racing for exits when the place shuddered with the first explosions.
Only when the adjacent building’s wall collapsed onto it in a grim cloud of dust did the gallery’s last lights fade on its huge doomed canvases.
The stunned crowd was ordered back and cordoned off, eventually dispersing into the night, away from the flashing emergency lights and sirens.
No one later interviewed had any recollection of the artist’s name or cause of death. No paintings were reported sold.
The promoter, following legal machinations and fines was besieged by pleas for representation, predominantly by a new wave of suicidal deconstructionists.
Chuck Croll — Internet Jedi
Found a chat site for beleaguered bloggers and a dude named “nitecruzr,” aka Chuck Croll posted a remedy that seemed to fix my pirate problem.He just came out of nowhere and fixed it.
So I’m putting a link here to Chuck the internet Jedi. Because whitehat heroes are good to know.
Plus he’s a nut for cats. I borrowed the gif from his site.
Google Blogspot Harbors Hackers
Blogspot runs this site and about a million others, for free. At those prices, get in line if your blog is overrun by pirate sites. This site has been hacked into for months—if you’re even reading this, it’s likely because you pushed “back” a dozen times until this pirate phishing site stopped force- loading over the real page.
There are a couple other competing cockroach URL redirects that force-load over this blog... including, predictably, porn stuff. Since Blogspot is for code-illiterate laymen, surely Google has remedies for such cyber evil-doing?
Google’s “Send Feedback” is supposed to help bloggers with problems. It doesn’t. Dozens of problem reports= zero responses. Zero help, zero support, zero concern.
Zero precisely correlates to my cost (absent countless hours of content creation)—but it also sums up Google’s value to customers—unless you count hackers, pirates and porn purveyors.
Google’s “Send Feedback” is supposed to help bloggers with problems. It doesn’t. Dozens of problem reports= zero responses. Zero help, zero support, zero concern.
Zero precisely correlates to my cost (absent countless hours of content creation)—but it also sums up Google’s value to customers—unless you count hackers, pirates and porn purveyors.
Another Puntoon
The clever self-taught might know what this awful visual pun is scratching at.
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| (click picture in its own window and answer is revealed) |
Moore’s the Pity Law
Gordon Moore predicted that every 18 months or so machines get twice as fast—and get cheaper.
More—for less! It’s worked since Moore made his prediction in 1965. Our labors are fewer, our burdens lighter and our productivity greater than ever in human history.
The power of mind and technology has eclipsed all advancements since the dawn of civilization in 40 short years!
Vast, unstressed leisure time makes for flourishing arts and culture and the charitable milk of human kindness is evident everywhere.
Because we have more! And there is more still—exponentially more!
See Attle
Seattle is a state of don’t mind. It’s where you don’t mind spectacular unseen scenery, don’t mind mossy socks and knickers, don’t mind shaving around prehensile gills and don’t mind perpetual seasonal affect disorder expressed as genial optimism. It is the ultimate getaway for the delusional, with highest per capita sales of sunglasses and your choice of medical or recreational marijuana dispensaries. Catch the buzz. The buzz is Seattle.
Think or Sink
“Brief” is in the title but it’s still about three thousand tweets long.
Here’s a Twitter synopsis:
Money competes with God for our brain. Argue a couple millennia. No clear winner but money’s got the edge since God pays a suckier salary.
Okay, that’s kind of a lie— Luc is actually pretty soft on the idea of higher ideals. He’s for instance not a fan of Nietzsche. Spends a lot of ink going after the “God is dead” guy— which is weird since anybody who claims the death of an Immortal Eternal just plainly craves attention. But in philosophy, you can cover your eyes, smirk and declare “you can’t see me” and it’ll launch a hundred excited egghead arguments.
I’m more a fan of the applied sciences— curing disease, figuring out how to stick up longer bridges and taller buildings, shooting dune buggies onto Mars. I also prefer just drawing conclusions from obvious evidence. Quantum physics is nuts, they’re torturing all logic and sense— look what it’s done to poor Stevie Hawking. The bionic man ain’t what it used to be, any more than the future is.
So I look around me right now to see how that God vs. Money argument’s going and draw my conclusions on the evidence, using tried and true scientific observation:
Porn Aversion Therapy
(Caution: aggravates symptoms for the over-60 set)
Reality Isn’t If Untelevised
To get on TV you need to have killer connections or surrender all morality and dignity. Or, less redundantly, you need to be resourceful. Crushing up against the Times Square morning show broadcast windows only counts as being a televised shrub in a zud, think bigger.
Offer to polish Donald Trump’s pinky ring with personal adrenaline fluid while under lethal injection. Juggle burning kittens at a Tea Party rally. Hire a blind, autistic personal stylist, pump up your tattoos with some ’roids and an S&M fitness regime, have a double sex change, create a religion based on incontinence, unionize sperm donors, get busy and get famous!
Remember: the world’s your oyster, and you’re its saliva!
Sorry About That.
A Zud spokesman extended apologies to the residents of Mongolia, where the maiden launch of collaborative missile project with Raytheon went awry.“Obviously, this is a disappointing setback for our defense systems initiative, and a full investigation is underway to determine the cause. Ongoing talks with the Pentagon promise future interest in the program’s potential as a livestock deterrent.”
The affected residents of Mongolia, an 87 year old farmer and his wife, seven yaks, eleven sheep, nine goats and a dog refused evacuation for medical attention.
Through an interpreter, the farmer, who huddled nearby the burning wreckage remarked that “this is the warmest I’ve been in half a century.”
What’s a Zud?
Wikipedia tells us a zud is a bummer Mongolian winter where all the livestock starves.
Livestock have no stated preference for the sort of zud that causes their starvation.
Those who thankfully do not live in zud zones still have the cleaning product Zud. Which is apparently the tough answer to limp-wristed competitor Bon Ami, although this is sheer speculation.
What’s important is the monosyllabic perfection. Zud. Marketing gold. There are multinational plans and a rumored IPO launch. Frozen government and global warming be damned.
Cat Caught Skyping
Egad - a Maine Coon in Bangor, an Abyssinian from Albania, a calico in Rio, a Portugeuse Siamese—they’re everywhere! Pried his little paw off the mouse which he claimed was so named because it’s remnant human memory of implanted computer tech from alien cat scientists.Overheard them gloating “the feline mind invasion nears completion.”
Met with hostile silence trying to elicit more info. Threats useless—critter crapped in my slippers and went on a three-day hunger strike.
Odds are it’s just harmless delusions, but can I risk it?
Monsanto Invites You to Eat This
Here’s a nice, juicy, red-ripe tomato, fresh from the garden. 100% organic, nothing genetically altered or anything, really.
Nature occasionally does stuff like that on its own. Reminds you of a ____, doesn’t it?
And if it was genetically altered? By Monsanto?
You’d eat it?
But that’s stupid. Monsanto wouldn’t sell tomatoes looking like that. Maybe nature makes the occasional tomato with its ____ sticking out; Monsanto makes perfect genetic tomatoes...the ones we get to see, anyway.
So it’s odd that Monsanto is against genetic labeling—since nature, its competition, is so obviously prone to careless mistakes.
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| Nature is imperfect; can Monsanto make that claim? |
And if it was genetically altered? By Monsanto?
You’d eat it?
But that’s stupid. Monsanto wouldn’t sell tomatoes looking like that. Maybe nature makes the occasional tomato with its ____ sticking out; Monsanto makes perfect genetic tomatoes...the ones we get to see, anyway.
So it’s odd that Monsanto is against genetic labeling—since nature, its competition, is so obviously prone to careless mistakes.
Einstein Was On About Bees, Too
Einstein fretted about frogs but he banged on about bees, too.
You’d think Al might have fixed his attention on why they supposedly can’t fly. How bee aerodynamics defy physics. You’d expect Einstein might have come up with a Special Theory on Bee Flight. No.
Albert studied global ecosystem determinants and narrowed down the harbinger of doom to when frogs and bees start disappearing. Which if you’ve been paying attention is happening.
Naturally, a worldwide initiative was immediately mounted to ignore this problem. It’s not like such information can be applied to anything useful, like blowing shit up.
So don’t try taking Einstein’s case of imminent biological collapse on account of defiantly airborne honey junky genocide to any serious business investors.
Bees equal empty stares.
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| Hives die—planet dies, what’s for supper? |
Albert studied global ecosystem determinants and narrowed down the harbinger of doom to when frogs and bees start disappearing. Which if you’ve been paying attention is happening.
Naturally, a worldwide initiative was immediately mounted to ignore this problem. It’s not like such information can be applied to anything useful, like blowing shit up.
So don’t try taking Einstein’s case of imminent biological collapse on account of defiantly airborne honey junky genocide to any serious business investors.
Bees equal empty stares.
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