It’s Even Harder on Eyes That’ve Been Teargassed

Oyez and Hallelujah Sinners!

Evangelicals, this is God. Thanks for all the prayers, they were forwarded through channels. You’ve been dialing the wrong number for quite awhile— but it’s gotten beyond ridiculous.

This latest test I sent to mankind you scored 100% on——wrong, ass-backward 100%.

Really, did you bother asking yourself if I’d name the second coming Donald?

I won’t get further into how obviously easy I made it, just letting you know that not since the Pharisees have such towering twats invoked my name, or for more selfish reasons.

Sorry, but henceforth Ba’al will be handling your case.

Hamilton

“When a man unprincipled in private life, desperate in his fortune, bold in his temper…despotic in his ordinary demeanor—known to have scoffed in private at the principles of liberty—when such a man is seen to mount the hobby horse of popularity—to join in the cry of danger to liberty—to take every opportunity of embarrassing the General Government and bringing it under suspicion—to flatter and fall in with all the nonsense of the zealots of the day— It may justly be suspected that his object is to throw things into confusion that he may ‘ride the storm and direct the whirlwind.’”
—Alexander Hamilton

August 18, 1792

Disgust and Dread Removal