Being Realistic

Usually a euphemism for giving up.

Puntoon Tuesday

Easy as shooting fish in a barrel; just as reprehensible.

Argle Bargalese

Oyez, oyez, oyez—also, ishkabibble, flibertygibbet and frrrrrup!

The Glass Is Half Full.

Just not with anything good.

Blonde Meets Surfer

Courting Fame

 ...and double-dating its ugly sister.

Those 20th Century Sci-Fi Authors?

...they were writing about now.

Orwell Locked Kafka in the Loo

For his own safety.

Dinosaurs: The More They Change...

Blonde Border Patrol

It’s Not the Personal Hygiene

 Your bio’s just got no rhythm whatsoever.

The Lost Parenting Tips of Ayn Rand

“Objectivism” is a philosophy a two-year old can understand.
It is in fact the essence of two-year old thought:  
I want what I want.
Useless to argue, simple to understand.
Then there’s the tantrum—hard to ignore.
Screw 12 steps, Objectivism goes straight to bargaining and stops there. “You want it, I’ve got it, what’ve YOU got for ME?”
You have replaced noise with reason.
You have set your baby’s feet on the path to success and dominance.
This can be accomplished even before successful toilet training.

Security

 Whenever it’s an issue it ends up being creepy.

In Full Awareness My Government Apprehends This Transmission

Disappointing Movie

The franchise took a daring turn, making Jason Bourne a deep-cover insurance adjuster.
At first it showed promise, with Bourne tracing the industry’s shady forays into finances they knew had unsupportable risks they were sopping up with bad policies. His trademark rogue heroism couldn’t prevent murderous claimant harassment so he just got pissed and blew a lot of shit up, of course. Then taxpayers picked up the tab and the government glossed it all over which was like, big surprise!—a conspiracy in plain sight—where’s the drama in that??
Don’t waste your time.

Hamster Escape Velocity

Because Tolerance is Sadly Lacking

and your example serves as an inspiration.

Selling Very Briskly at NRA Conventions

Existential Dyspepsia

Hiccups, that weird eye twitch, unaccountable fridge smells.

Medieval Facebook

Puntoon Doom

Another day, another visual pun not worth solving.

Get Another Box

The one you’re thinking outside of is empty.

Film Franchise Formula

As the ideas dwindle, so does light on the set.

Blonde Jinx

Conform.

It’s economical, simple and safe.

Strangest Bedfellows

Bumwad Basics

Your domestic tranquility could hinge on this

for further, fascinating, in-depth data & info:
http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/toilet-paper-style#

Even More Annoying Puntoon

Visual pun. Pestilence. Inexcusable.

Premature Enlightenment

Instant karma already got you. It actually pantsed you.
Not that that should interfere with your plans.

I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get It Up

Cheer up, zone out, get rogered.
Pharmaceuticals for tomorrow, here today.