First, Do LOTS of Harm

Doctors have a sacred Hippocratic oath. Two legendary ones interpreted “First, do no harm” as “Let’s improve human carnage!” These esteemed, educated men give proof to the adage “The first casualty of war is truth.” Or, at any rate, sanity.

Dr. Joseph Guillotin lamented the messy beheadings of the French revolution and conjured an automated method which expedited fourteen thousand decapitations in record time. All his descendants disowned their surname.

About a hundred years later, an American doctor was aghast at the carnage of the Civil War and logically reasoned that improving weaponry was the remedy. This was Dr. Richard Gatling, who patented the first machine gun. His descendants are presumably sainted by the NRA and living quiet, prosperous lives.

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