A Brief Electoral Lapse Into Sanity

Mitch McConnell breathed a sigh of relief through his prehensile gills last night when pedophile Senate candidate Roy Moore lost the Alabama special election.

“The Alabama voters’ rejection of primordial slime is a validation of nominal cold-blooded vertebrates like me. The pace and manner in which the Republican party ruthlessly screws inferior lifeforms is a delicate balance,” McConnell said.

“We cannot be seen to literally be fucking helpless innocents.”