A Brief Electoral Lapse Into Sanity

Mitch McConnell breathed a sigh of relief through his prehensile gills last night when pedophile Senate candidate Roy Moore lost the Alabama special election.

“The Alabama voters’ rejection of primordial slime is a validation of nominal cold-blooded vertebrates like me. The pace and manner in which the Republican party ruthlessly screws inferior lifeforms is a delicate balance,” McConnell said.

“We cannot be seen to literally be fucking helpless innocents.”

Not a Christmassy Kind of Elf

Pre-indicted US Attorney General Sessions miffed by rejection.

“Depriving police of this income source is cruel and unusual punishment, as expressly forbidden by the constitution,” he said, stomping his little feet and turning a deep magnolia shade of pink.

Yahoo News

Bast Guess

I remember the schwa (ə).

It’s the “eh” sound.

“Whatever” is a favored Millennial byword but it sounds like “whatavver.” Nobody seems to use “eh” anymore.

Somehow, tan colors of the rainbow strikes me as eh.

Another Artist Drew This

I’d credit the artist if I could find him/her.

A photo of the credited WH spokeswoman has been added for verisimilitude.

Ten Second Time Waste

Somebody claimed the answer is 15, but he’s not reliable.

Answer comes up in about ten seconds.

Venngeance Diagram

The really
useful bit’s
the center.

But we’re
prone to chew
around the edges.

You May Feel a Small Pinch

It’s nothing to worry about, it’s perfectly normal. Go about your day-to-day business, enjoy the bounties this life provides and give thanks for your blessings as a good citizen, parent, workingman.

Malcontents will always be among us and they will be dealt with. Your property and loved ones are our first concern.