Fresh Outrage

President Obama loves terrorists since he didn’t go to France supporting Charlie Hebdo.

News that actually makes you stupider
This bulletin brought to you by the Fresh Outrage Xenophobe network, suspending their traditional hatred of the French because they hate Muslims more, but not as much as they hate their own President.

In the same news cycle, FOX manufactured the Fresh Outrage that Birmingham, England has been overrun by Muslims, based on an elderly pensioner’s sighting of a head scarf at the fish market.
FOX has a First Amendment right to out-compete worthy news by detonating a Fresh Outrage fantasy every few hours. Their inexhaustible supply of fictional conspiracies, comic comparatives and canards just shy of libelous make all the right heads explode without so much as a gram of C4. Their exertions are so creative they’re putting satirists out of business faster than jihadists.

As if you care instructions
During W’s administration, French satirists infiltrated the garment industry and gratuitously offered their view of Bush on knapsack care instructions. “Your president is an idiot” the tag said in French, after bleach and ironing warnings. Eventually, the one guy in America who spoke French and didn’t think it was hilarious complained, so they removed it; the company president offering not so much an apology as a shrug.

This gave Roger Ailes a brainstorm. Sure, it was true that the President was an idiot—and so was a vast swath of America who’d voted for him. There was obviously a huge, untapped market for retaliatory idiot advocate satire. FOX’s masterstroke was weaving it into the national fabric with a straight face.