They Don’t Make a Chardonnay



But I have to say, the marketing department out-did themselves with the branding on this zesty red varietal.

 “We’re positioning ourselves as the Mateus of the Millennials,” said Brandon Smerk, head of advertising, adding, “a good many people under 30 in fact owe their conception to Mateus, but that once indomitable label is over.”

“Wine’s fundamental role in the mating game and most young peoples’ impatience with wine complexities haven’t changed. Studies show that their response to labels is vastly more important than actual product taste, and Millennials are particularly driven by perceived authenticity. We come right at them with Bad Red. We’re saying sexist is sexy without apology.”

Asked just how bad it is, Smerk did something like Mr. Spock’s eyebrow lift. “It’s not in a box, it’s got a cork and it goes down exceptionally well.”

On the matter of their NSW label, Mr. Smerk affectionately cradled the bottle displaying its titian-haired, spread-eagled model and told me, “That’s my daughter, Zoe. She gets the hair from her mom and she’ll be accompanying me when we go pitch Walmart next week.”

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